Welcome to my two-part series where I unapologetically roast KBUR and every aircraft that dared to show its landing gear. If sarcasm levels that could give your grandma a stroke are your thing—congrats, you’re in the right place.
So I rolled up to KBUR—aka the Costco parking lot of airports—with a camera, dangerously low expectations, and what felt like a mild case of heatstroke. I originally came out here to see a few Cessna Citations, a Vista CL30, and the Horizon Retro livery. Naturally, one Citation ghosted me and Horizon pulled a classic schedule swap. But because I have nothing better to do, I still schlepped out to Vineland Ave to watch this lineup of mid-tier mediocrity. Let’s get into it:
Avelo 737-700 from Pasco
This thing touched down like it just found out it was adopted. Looked like it was having an existential crisis mid-flare.
JSX ERJ-145 from Denver
You ever seen a jet land like it’s afraid of commitment? This thing floated longer than your last situationship and still smacked the runway like it owed it money.
Alaska 737-800 from Portland
Came in smelling like patchouli and insecurity. Flared like it just discovered yoga and wanted validation.
Southwest 737-700 from Las Vegas
Vegas jet doing the walk of shame. You could smell the slot machine trauma. Landed like it had too many daiquiris and a Celine Dion tattoo.
JSX ERJ-135 from Oakland
This poor jet looked like it got kicked out of Spirit for being too mid. Descended like it was trying not to wake up the neighbors. Congrats, no one noticed you anyway.
Alaska E175 from Boise
Boise jet showed up like your ex who suddenly has a gym membership and opinions. Surprisingly clean landing, but let’s not pretend anyone was watching.
Gulfstream G600 from Santa Maria
This rich boy showed up like it was better than everyone. Probably was. Landed smoother than your pickup lines—but just like those, no one believed it had substance.
Aeropilot Legend 600 to Chino
I don’t know what this thing was, but it looked like someone built it in a shed with leftover IKEA parts. Took off like it was dodging child support.
United A319 from San Francisco
Came in with all the charisma of wet toast. Looked like it landed out of obligation, not desire. Pure divorced dad energy.
JSX ERJ-135 from Las Vegas
Third JSX of the day. This one flared like it was trying to impress someone it matched with on Hinge. No one was watching. No one cared.
And that wraps my Burbank descent into mediocrity. From more Southwest than even @Ethan_Brown and @Petre2026 could tolerate, to the student pilots that just learned what an unstable approach is, KBUR gave me everything I expected—and absolutely none of what I wanted. Stay tuned for Part 2, where I continue to stand in 90-degree heat just to mock some unfortunate approach angles. Until then, keep your lens clean, your sarcasm high, and your standards aggressively low.
Disclaimer:
This post is 100% sarcasm and meant for entertainment. If you’re offended, take a deep breath, drink some water, and remember—if your aircraft didn’t land like a legend, I’m gonna say so.
