Keeping Up With United

Welcome back to me bullying a Airline, in today’s list we have United, “Fly the friendly skies” they say, well let’s see how friendly the skies really are. In today’s episode of Top Gear, woops wrong script…In today’s episode of United, We make you lose money.

Disclaimer, I could care less if you like United, I bully everyone.

Flight Info

Airline: United
Aircraft: 777-300ER

At gate the pilots found a tiny problem, They are a tad heavy so what do we do? CORRECT we drag 58 passengers off the aircraft and throw any child under 6 into the Cargo Bay.

Never the less we takeoff 1 Hour behind schedual but who cares WE ARE UNITED

Only good thing if the veiw of the French Alps, pretty solid sadly we had to throw a guy over board because he was drinking to much apply juice.

Nothing happened over the Atlantic, a mother asked if she can go see her kid in the Cargo Bay but we locked her in there too.


Ah Chicago, I hate you😃

Finally landing at KORD, Sadly we got 56 Bullet Holes in our aircraft, but hey to Compensate you get a free bus ride to Chicagos BEAN


Welcome to Chicago, Go pick up your Luggage if it even made it from Italy, oh and by the way Since we are environmentally friendly we have no Gate no, CarStairs so just use the force of gravity to leave, Or be pushed🥰

And that brings us to a much needed close, thanks for flying the Freindly Skies and ONCE AGAIN JANET WE DO NOT FLY TO JOHN F KENNEDY.

Now if you excuse me I have a date with Airbus to see how many more years I can push our A350 back🥰

Cya 🔴🔴⚪⚪


Does noone like bullying lol

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Amazing tactics


It is right, Saves us fuel and it also helps with passenger comfort🥰


did you keep the door open for ventilation?

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Sadly no, We had to close them because many passengers got sucked out on the Inbound flight just a day prior so to keep it calm we kept the doors closed😀


Is this supposed to be funny? This sounds like my last United experience! XD


Time to the rate the jokes:

Funny joke, 8/10

Little excessive 6/10

Interesting, gonna leave it at a 7/10

This is UA, not AA 3/10

Favorite type of juice, 9/10

Thats unfourtanate, 7/10

Im from Chicago, but I don’t really care, 5/10

F, 8/10

Twisting up a slogan, I like it, 9/10

Best one, 10/10


Most definitely, Thanks for the feedback

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As you can see by the progression, while working on the Topic the jokes just got better


I click not sure what to expect, and I will just say it wasn’t this 😂😂👍

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You know what they say, Expect the unexpected United


Imagine that the United CEO See this ;)

This post was made by the Bullying gang


If he did…ill just drag him away


@Average_Gamer u went back to my Very British Flight post…why? Now I’m not saying its bad it was a solid topic 39 likes but why

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Found it funny 😂


Don’t mind me ill just Bully you for not liking the A220, who doesn’t like the A220, The MAX literally Fell to its downfall but the A220…how dare you not like the A220

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This was genuinely hilarious. Thank you

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Np, please don’t throw me over board

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What did Chicago do to you… steal your money?